ha ha! September 24, 2007

so i have a computer again, which means i can make good use of this blog. today started out very blah but now i feel re-energized and ready for the week. work was really good. tomorrow i am going to wake up at normal time and resume my daily actions and meditations. i totally slacked off while i was sick. my goals for tomorrow include cashing my check, paying a couple of bills, cleaning my flat, working on chapter two exercises and working on newsletter. and following my schedule. i don’t think i will go to the gym, but maybe i will and just do weights. but if i don’t, it’s okay. perhaps a walk. something. or a long yoga session. i feel out of sorts since i have been so inactive for a week. that’s all for now.

so it’s been awhile September 21, 2007

not having regular computer access is now making it tricky to keep up with this blog.  i can’t do my communities regularly.  i can’t refer back to my goals and lists and whatnot.  but i am not going to let that stop me.  hopefully i will be in the way of regular computer access again.  i have been doing pretty good at bringing my own food to work and resisting the temptations of the food court, specifically frullati and their deliciously unhealthy strawberry banana smoothies.  except for this week since i have been sick.  smoothies is about all i can eat.  and ever since i made a schedule for myself i haven’t really had the opportunity to abide by it.  this week went out the window since i have been ill.  can’t work out when ill.  have mostly been sleeping and reading.  and working a shift here and there.  since i don’t have regular computer access i am going to strive for using my mind log again for my communities.  aim for at least weekly updates on here if not more.  and that’s all i got for the moment.  too tired and ill to think anymore.  

some revelations September 9, 2007

sorry i have been gone for a while.   computer is on the fritz.  but my lovely is going to try something and hopefully it makes it all better.  i have had a very enlightening weekend.  i re-read smart women finish rich and worked through it and made a comprehensive financial plan.  and a. . . budget.  but i feel really good about it.  i really don’t have that many expenses and once i am working full time again it should be fairly easy to get my head above water.  and i am going to be diligent about saving.  for real.  i made all of these goals and wrote action plans for them.  i made my values ladder.  which is actually a really good exercise.   the hardest question to answer though was, where do you want to be in three years?  and i have been pondering that.  the author is emphatic about living your life and making things happen, not letting life happen to you.  the next time i see izzy i am putting this in her hands and hopefully she will gobble it up and then give it to foi.   seriously, if i could, i would buy this book for all of my girlfriends.  i think it is that important to read.  i also finally made it past the first chapter in Creating a Life Worth Living and that was quite enlightening as well.  and i finally made a schedule for myself.  one i can stick to, i think.  that was one of the best things about the hospital, the sense of routine.  of course i really suck at it on my own.  but i have scheduled in time to write and time to work out and time to do yoga and meditate and time to eat and time to run errands and other miscellaneous things and accounted for work too.  something i have learned about myself in doing the daily action every day is that i am learning my rhythm.  my preferred rhythm.  my natural rhythm?  i like to get up semi early.  not before dawn but shortly after and just chill.  sometimes i read for a bit.  then i check my email and blogs and whatnot.  then i do my yoga/meditation.  and the daily action is the signal of the true start of my day.  i like being able to go in at ten every morning.  it allows me time to do these things in the morning.  in my own way and not rush.  i like to be able to stay up until midnight yet still get enough sleep.  so what i have come to realize this weekend with all of this soul searching is that i believe i truly prefer, at this moment anyway, an unconventional schedule.  a more flexible schedule.  my inner voice is telling me-and quite loudly i might add-to stop considering the irving job.  i will have to wake up really early.  i won’t be able to continue with my morning routine.  i will come home too tired and with not enough time to do all the things i hope to do.  and really, i will be putting myself in the same position i was in at my last job.  and quite frankly, i can’t ignore that voice.  even if another voice ridicules me for not being in a professional job.  for working what i term “college jobs.”  but i am feeling loads better about all of it.  thursday i applied at this martini bar that is ten minutes away and i really hope i get it.  it is a really nice place.  great ambience and atmosphere.  for all of the goals i have set out, i think a flexible schedule will be best right now.  and i have determined the minimum number of nights i would need to work and the minimum amount i would need to bring in each night, and really, it all adds up to what i have been striving for anyway.  but i think it will be less stressful and more fun.  something i have been struggling with lately is a growing passion for yoga therapy alongside drama therapy.  i have been feeling unsure of which path to follow and in which order.  amethyst gave me some good advice once.  she said, to be truly successful you have to focus whole-heartedly on one thing and once you have that down, then you can move on to the next thing.  you get into trouble when you try to do everything at once.  and it’s true.  people that are millionaires have followed that advice.  that is how they became millionaires.  i am not saying i necessarily am striving to be a millionaire, per se.  just for success.  i want to be successful.  ”do what you love and the money will follow.”  i read that somewhere today.  so today, i researched drama therapy again and yoga therapy.  the costs and time it takes.  and i re-examined expressive arts therapy.  and the school i love offers it.  so i am feeling a new branch opening up.  because i love all the different disciplines of creative therapy.  and by doing this, i can do them all.  and still be a licensed marriage and family counselor.  so i have decided that this is the path i need to follow first.  and of course continue my own personal practice of yoga, but save the therapist aspect of it for later.  because once i am degreed and a practicing therapist and find my success there, then i can branch out into another branch of therapy.  and who knows, maybe the opportunity will present itself along the way.   all in all, it’s been a good, introspective weekend. 

crappy September 4, 2007

physically: fine

emotionally: severely depressed and very overwhelmed

goal: do something productive

affirmation: ????

weekend update September 2, 2007

well, i’m not so good at sticking to my goals for the weekend.  although i still have the rest of today to make a dent.  i have been keeping up with my daily action and meditations.  i’ve started marking each day on my calendar that i do to keep track, visually.  yesterday i went to lunch with izzy which took place of breakfast because i slept so late.  we went to bennigan’s and i had a black bean burger with fries.  later that day joe and i went to dinner at this little local burger joint that he loves.  they have very good fries and they make grilled cheeses.  but i opted for nachos instead.  they were really good too.  they had whole pinto beans instead of refried and lots of jalapenos and good shredded cheese.   not really good on the health scale.  and then he took me out for a sundae after.  so i have a hard time trying to eat at home on weekends with joe.  i offered to cook dinner for us last night but he declined.  today we had frozen waffles for breakfast.  we went to the museum and after we left we were both hungry.  i offered to make us lunch but he wanted to go out.  he even asked me what was up with me and trying to cook meals for us.  i said i was trying to be healthier and because i have all of these groceries.  the thing is, joe likes to go out on the weekends because he stays in all week.  and when it comes to me trying to cook for us, we have very different tastes in food.  the only thing i could make and share really would be pasta and salad.  he does not have an adventurous palate at all.  i am even surprised he even likes pei wei at all.  which is what he counter suggested after i offered to cook us lunch at home.  he knows what i like.  so to pei wei we went.  he always gets the sweet and sour chicken.  so for lunch i had honey seared vegetables and tofu with brown rice.  so so good.  and i ate two fortune cookies.  but later, when i get hungry.  i am cooking/preparing my own meal.

i am feeling really tired today and very unmotivated.  what i hope to do with the rest of my day is read a little bit, wash my delicates, work on my soulcollage cards and write my penpal letter.  i have given up on cleaning my flat this weekend.  too unmotivated to do it.  as long as i keep up with my dishes and the kitchen i feel okay about it.  i hope i start feeling more energetic soon.

well that’s all i got for now.  maybe i will check back later to remark on what i ended up doing.

daily check-in September 1, 2007

physically: itchy

emotionally: neutral

goal: write a letter

affirmation: i am open to all possibilities

going to make this weekend count. September 1, 2007

so i did all my dreaded errands today.  i hate banks.  they really suck.  and i remembered to get water. i feel bad whenever joe asks me to do something and i take forever to do it because i am always forgetting or sometimes i am plum lazy.  i am trying to work on that.  trying to work on the doing energy to balance out all of my being energy.

today i had granola and soy milk for breakfast.  for lunch i made a nutella and banana sandwich on sourdough and some garden salsa sun chips.  and i rationed.  i got one of the dipping bowls and filled it with chips.  it looked like the amount that would come in those little bags.  and when they were gone i resisted the urge to get more.  and i really did want more.  they are really really good.  i got chips at the store in lieu of sugar.  because i am not real big on salty things and i can eat them when i have comfort junk food cravings or as a little treat or snack.  as the example with the chips at lunch i am much more disciplined.  and i got regular chips too to go with all of that free salsa.  for dinner i had hummus and pita, and a falafel pita sandwich.  and gelato for dessert.  last week i had ice cream on friday night.  i think i am doing really well on my sugar diet.  i am cutting out all of the little sugars (candy, chocolates, etc) during the week and then treating myself to one nice dessert on the weekends.  it’s working out so far.  and i think maybe i am appreciating it a bit more.  and definitely not feeling guilty about it, which is nice.

for the rest of the weekend my goals are as follows:

meals: prepare at least one meal a day.  and when i work on labor day make sure i bring healthful snacks to work so i am not tempted by the food court.

spirit: hand over my work anxiety to spirit per jamie’s suggestion.  and then do something positive to redirect my energy.  also do my daily actions each morning along with the meditations.  work more on my soulcollage cards.  journal about how i equate my self worth with my job.

life: write penpal letter.  gather all materials for proposal to send to matt.  call violet back about spring show.  make word file of resume.

fun: hang out with amethyst on sunday and izzy on saturday.  read a challenge book.

job: come up with new plan.  make a list of all my options and how to execute.

lots to be thankful for today :) September 1, 2007

physically: tired

emotionally: cheery

high: hanging out with izzy and foi

low: going to the bank

goal: yes, i went to the bank. and i did my other errands too.

thankful: for good friends, kitty-kitty, generous friends, finding a box to make zen box for vanessa and a matching mousepad (for me) at the insanely low price of 3 bucks, a fun fluffy book to read, remembering to get the paper, being able to talk with amethyst, justice, being offered an extra shift for next week, yummy gelato, feeling so cheery, being nominated for a random act of linkness at everyminute.com, amethyst’s computer getting fixed (and now she is going to get a blog, yay!)