physically: skin itchy, muscles aware, emotionally: calm, strong, goal: read environmental due diligence, go to bed early, affirmation: i am fulfilling my full potential. daily action, check.
xmas is over December 26, 2007
physically: warm, itchy, hungry
emotionally: strong, calm, aware
goal: physical activity after work
affirmation: i am fulfilling my full potential
daily action, sun salutations, morning pages, check check check.
yesterday was perfect December 24, 2007
daily action, check. morning pages, check. yesterday was a perfect day. physically: fine, emotionally: slightly melancholy, slightly lonely, calm, distant, goal: leave my flat and keep my social appointments, affirmation: i am strong.
finally, friday December 21, 2007
physically: awake, rested, semi-warm, emotionally: calm, goal: get through both jobs, affirmation: i am strong. daily action, sun salutations, morning pages, check.
one more day December 20, 2007
physically: tired, sore, emotionally: aware, calm, collected, determined, goal: call feed store about birds, affirmation: i am strong. i will get through this.
daily action, morning pages, sun salutation for thurs, check.
utilizing the grief plan December 20, 2007
daily action, morning pages: mon, tues, wed. so last night i got home late. took my shower and afterwards still felt compelled to do yoga. so i did. i may be in a shitty place emotionally but i am fucking taking care of myself that’s for sure. the yoga makes me feel really good. i have slacked off the past couple of months but i really need it now and am thankful that my spirit agrees and my body and mind are in harmony as well. for once i am not procrastinating or being lazy. some poses make tears leak out of my eyes but i always feel calm, focused, centered, grounded. even in my pain. and underneath all of that is an overwhelming sense of my own strength. and that is the biggest gift of all.
sad, but not too sad December 20, 2007
physically: hungry, neck sore, eyes hurt, emotionally: sad, empty, drained, solid, centered, high: lunch with foi, low: continually almost falling asleep at work, goal: didn’t make one, thankful for: small joyous moments, free lunch, opah pita bread, seeing sunset across downtown again, not getting lost while trying a new route to work, being perfectly on time to second job, feeling strong and grounded all day, not falling completely apart when joe texted me, only just a little apart, writing a letter and putting it under his door and how much it made me feel better to realize certain truths, that i give my everything to my relationships even though i momentarily regret it later, that i can be strong and vulnerable simultaneously, that i can still kick open the double doors like a badass (because i like to pretend i’m buffy), that i can even think of a long list of gratefuls.
another day December 19, 2007
physically: warm, emotionally: sad, numb, high: no high, low: being too tired, goal: yes, thankful for: friends, small measure of peace, sense of my own inner strength, eating healthy, generous friends, carpooling, new job, small moment of warmth after work, beautiful sunset against downtown skyline.
calm and collected December 18, 2007
physically: awake, muscles stretched and aware from last night, emotionally: calm, aware, strong, goal: make it through both jobs today, affirmation: i am strong.
grief December 18, 2007
soul nourishing things i did for myself this morning: short meditation, mini-yoga session, hot tea, morning pages. i had a morning. it was lovely. i packed a lunch. i got up on time. i got up early. i got up at six. i didn’t sleep til the last minute. i packed a lot in a scant fifty minutes. i had a great day. i felt sad and low in spite of it. i came home and cried and cried and cried. earlier in the day i made a grief plan. don’t want to get sucked into nothingness this time. going to use the crisis notebook. going to use the grief plan. things i did tonight to nourish and heal myself: long hot shower, letting the tears flow, wrote a grief letter to my lover no more, drank honey vanilla chamomile tea, intense hour plus yoga session, emptying the mind, letting the poses come and resting there, crystal healing/meditation with giant rose quartz on my heart letting the energy flow into my heart and cradle my pain, flow into my body, covering me like a protective shield. and now i feel somewhat better. centered, a small measure of peace, a great sense of my own strength. i will get through this. somehow. and i will come out stronger on the other end.
