physically: a bit sore in my external rotator cuffs, awake, alert; emotionally: anticipation, grounded, centered; goal: have a successful evening with my friends; affirmation: i can do it!
checking back January 8, 2008
physically: sore in my lower back, tired; emotionally: calm, buoyant, hopeful, peaceful, energetic, happy, content; high: making dinner while listening to harry potter; low: no low; goal: completed; thankful: my friends, talking to danielle, my yoga practice and the aliveness it brings me, seeing foi and l-squared every day, being productive this evening, getting home after 8 hours of work and still having plenty of energy to spare, kitty-kitty time. meditation, sun salutations, morning pages all a check for today. and i scratched off all the things for my evening to-do list. and guess what? that included making dinner. one of this week’s chosen recipes. and it was fun. hope it tastes good. . .
plans for the future January 6, 2008
so my main focus for this year is to establish routine, MY routine, MY structure. i have spent enough time and enough years being haphazard. something i have learned from this past year is that while i still dislike every hour and every moment to be planned i thrive, actually THRIVE, when i have some sort of routine, such as established meal times, regular exercise, regular activities planned. the hard part is maintaining it. in the hospital it was done for me. it was really easy. but you know, i am going to be 27 this year. isn’t it high time i set out and create the life i want to live from my head into actual reality? when i have someone in my life i adapt too much to their routines sacrificing my own needs and desires. it happens every time. and really the only way i know how to counteract this is to actually ESTABLISH my own way of life rather than just dream about it. seems like i have wasted a lot of time, huh? but there always seems to be something getting in the way-school, lack of money, new boyfriend, whatever. not this year. i don’t expect to change overnight but i do need to remain vigilant. notice what works and what doesn’t. i want regular mealtimes, regularly cooked meals, regular meditation practice, regular yoga practice. regular spiritual practice. is that asking too much? so this week the plan is to start slow. i am going to attempt to make two recipes, two SIMPLE recipes. butternut squash with coconut curry and ginger cauliflower soup. i already have my morning routine in practice. i wake up and meditate for 15-20 minutes. then i do a few rounds of sun salutations. then i write my morning pages. then i get ready for work. sometimes i write my morning pages at work since i get there early. when i get home i would like to engage in yoga (i eat my snack on the commute home). then shower and be ready for the evening which should include some simple cooking, reading, writing. i am thinking of giving a theme to each day so i don’t feel like i have to fit everything into one day. like a french day, a letter writing day, a cooking day. i don’t want to cook everyday but i want to eat like i used to. i want to incorporate running into my regular physical routine when the weather turns nicer. mix it up. i really want a bike. l-squared has a bike. she said if i get a bike we can bike together. and it would be a good investment for when i move to an urban city. i want to get into a regular practice of sunday being preparation day. grocery shopping, planning the meals for the week. cooking as much as i can so i don’t have to be overwhelmed by it during the week. prepare lunches for the week. you know, cutting veggies/fruit and pre-packaging them. making little lunch rows in the refrigerator so all i have to do is grab and run in the morning. are these too big of aspirations? i don’t think so. not if i ease into it and remain gentle with myself whenever i slip up. so today i shop. the list is made. only two recipes to make. the rest of the week will be leftovers and simple salads and sandwiches. lunches will be salad, leftovers, fruit, yogurt and granola. breakfast can be poptarts. on-the-way-home snack will be apples. monday i hope to pre-cook tuesday’s meal because my friends are coming over for a special evening and it would be nice to only have to heat up that night’s dinner. yeah. so there it is. i got my first yoga journal of the year and since i have a gift subscription i will be getting it every month. and there is so much useful information within those pages. sometimes i tear them out but they end up getting lost and unused. so in a burst of inspiration i made a notebook with dividers for the anatomy pages, the basic pose pages, the master class pages, the recipes i like, and the spiritual exercises that interest me. and it’s on my counter with the cookbooks for easy reference. i already used the foldout poster of a strengthening sequence. did that this morning. much more challenging than the usual sun salutations. my friend, k, has committed to doing the cosmic cafe yoga class with me on available sundays. i am buoyed by the new year energy, uplifted by so much hope and motivation that fills my being at this moment. i can only hope that i will be vigilant in creating my life during the course of the year.
some revelations September 9, 2007
sorry i have been gone for a while. computer is on the fritz. but my lovely is going to try something and hopefully it makes it all better. i have had a very enlightening weekend. i re-read smart women finish rich and worked through it and made a comprehensive financial plan. and a. . . budget. but i feel really good about it. i really don’t have that many expenses and once i am working full time again it should be fairly easy to get my head above water. and i am going to be diligent about saving. for real. i made all of these goals and wrote action plans for them. i made my values ladder. which is actually a really good exercise. the hardest question to answer though was, where do you want to be in three years? and i have been pondering that. the author is emphatic about living your life and making things happen, not letting life happen to you. the next time i see izzy i am putting this in her hands and hopefully she will gobble it up and then give it to foi. seriously, if i could, i would buy this book for all of my girlfriends. i think it is that important to read. i also finally made it past the first chapter in Creating a Life Worth Living and that was quite enlightening as well. and i finally made a schedule for myself. one i can stick to, i think. that was one of the best things about the hospital, the sense of routine. of course i really suck at it on my own. but i have scheduled in time to write and time to work out and time to do yoga and meditate and time to eat and time to run errands and other miscellaneous things and accounted for work too. something i have learned about myself in doing the daily action every day is that i am learning my rhythm. my preferred rhythm. my natural rhythm? i like to get up semi early. not before dawn but shortly after and just chill. sometimes i read for a bit. then i check my email and blogs and whatnot. then i do my yoga/meditation. and the daily action is the signal of the true start of my day. i like being able to go in at ten every morning. it allows me time to do these things in the morning. in my own way and not rush. i like to be able to stay up until midnight yet still get enough sleep. so what i have come to realize this weekend with all of this soul searching is that i believe i truly prefer, at this moment anyway, an unconventional schedule. a more flexible schedule. my inner voice is telling me-and quite loudly i might add-to stop considering the irving job. i will have to wake up really early. i won’t be able to continue with my morning routine. i will come home too tired and with not enough time to do all the things i hope to do. and really, i will be putting myself in the same position i was in at my last job. and quite frankly, i can’t ignore that voice. even if another voice ridicules me for not being in a professional job. for working what i term “college jobs.” but i am feeling loads better about all of it. thursday i applied at this martini bar that is ten minutes away and i really hope i get it. it is a really nice place. great ambience and atmosphere. for all of the goals i have set out, i think a flexible schedule will be best right now. and i have determined the minimum number of nights i would need to work and the minimum amount i would need to bring in each night, and really, it all adds up to what i have been striving for anyway. but i think it will be less stressful and more fun. something i have been struggling with lately is a growing passion for yoga therapy alongside drama therapy. i have been feeling unsure of which path to follow and in which order. amethyst gave me some good advice once. she said, to be truly successful you have to focus whole-heartedly on one thing and once you have that down, then you can move on to the next thing. you get into trouble when you try to do everything at once. and it’s true. people that are millionaires have followed that advice. that is how they became millionaires. i am not saying i necessarily am striving to be a millionaire, per se. just for success. i want to be successful. ”do what you love and the money will follow.” i read that somewhere today. so today, i researched drama therapy again and yoga therapy. the costs and time it takes. and i re-examined expressive arts therapy. and the school i love offers it. so i am feeling a new branch opening up. because i love all the different disciplines of creative therapy. and by doing this, i can do them all. and still be a licensed marriage and family counselor. so i have decided that this is the path i need to follow first. and of course continue my own personal practice of yoga, but save the therapist aspect of it for later. because once i am degreed and a practicing therapist and find my success there, then i can branch out into another branch of therapy. and who knows, maybe the opportunity will present itself along the way. all in all, it’s been a good, introspective weekend.
lazy sunday August 19, 2007
today i woke up super early. i didn’t sleep all that well and finally at seven i decided to just get up. funny thing is i don’t feel too tired but i’ll probably feel it later! kitty-kitty dashed to the door, as usual, so i brought her home with me. and when i tried to do my sun salutations for my daily action she kept attacking me! she would attack my feet or jump and attack my arms every time i moved into a new position. it was pretty funny. finally i gave up because her teeth really hurt. i then meditated and she rested her head on me, then she started licking my hand. after a couple of minutes she started biting and attacking my hand. i just had to laugh at that and wrestled with her for a few minutes. she’s so cute and playful. now she’s just chilling but i know if i try to do yoga again she’ll resume her attacking playfulness.
today i’m going to work more in the prosperity book and hang out with foi. it’s going to be a good day. i can feel it.
