soul nourishing things i did for myself this morning: short meditation, mini-yoga session, hot tea, morning pages. i had a morning. it was lovely. i packed a lunch. i got up on time. i got up early. i got up at six. i didn’t sleep til the last minute. i packed a lot in a scant fifty minutes. i had a great day. i felt sad and low in spite of it. i came home and cried and cried and cried. earlier in the day i made a grief plan. don’t want to get sucked into nothingness this time. going to use the crisis notebook. going to use the grief plan. things i did tonight to nourish and heal myself: long hot shower, letting the tears flow, wrote a grief letter to my lover no more, drank honey vanilla chamomile tea, intense hour plus yoga session, emptying the mind, letting the poses come and resting there, crystal healing/meditation with giant rose quartz on my heart letting the energy flow into my heart and cradle my pain, flow into my body, covering me like a protective shield. and now i feel somewhat better. centered, a small measure of peace, a great sense of my own strength. i will get through this. somehow. and i will come out stronger on the other end.
a recap August 17, 2007
so last month i had set about writing weekly goals for myself. the thing was, the week would start and i would forget what i had set out to do. at first i was good at checking back but not very good at completing all the goals. but i continued to make them for a couple of weeks. and then i just stopped. i had forgotten about it. and by forgetting about the little stepping stones i am never going to accomplish the milestones. so here we go again. but this time, i will succeed.
my depression and other traumas have really fucked with my life and the way i live it. i used to eat really well. i used to exercise regularly. i used to actually go to the grocery store and cook meals and sometimes even invite people over. but i have really let that go. and that makes me sad and makes me feel even more depressed. it’s a vicious cycle. it’s like the snake eating its tail. but now it stops.
as a result i have outgrown all my clothes and lost a lot of muscle tone, mainly subsist on sugar and most of my physical activity consists of sleeping.
so i resolve to get back to where i was before i hit bottom (oh the many that i have hit) and take it from there.
i have been reading this book called, Creating a Life Worth Living. i haven’t gotten very far because it took me two months before i could actually complete my daily action seven days in a row and i really want to work through the book and not just read it. of course after i had actually managed a week of daily actions i promptly stopped doing them. this week i have done them twice.
so here’s the plan for the rest of the week. continue to do my daily actions (which for me is doing 10 sun salutations and meditating for at least 15 minutes.) i have already cooked 3x so if i cook more that is bonus. and i will work out tomorrow and aim for going to saturday yoga. it’s really hard for me to work out on the weekend for some reason but i will.
and also, tomorrow i am going to fossil and put in application for a second job. i start a new job on monday but i am really trying to pay my bank off in a month from the scam and that’s quite a chunk of change.
i just got a new book Creating True Prosperity by Shakti Gawain (the woman who wrote the wonderful book Creative Visualization) and i am going to start working through that book as well.
