even though i slacked off a bit this week it still felt good. i ate that leftover soup for lunch for a couple of days. i maintained morning routine for the first part of the week but by mid-week i slept in until 6:30, fit in a meditation and that was it. didn’t do anything for my evening routine. even slacked off on my yoga practice. but i don’t feel bad about my week. i still feel like i ate well. i didn’t eat out save for thursday when K and i went to pei wei. had that for lunch on thursday. and here it is sunday evening and my fridge is completely empty save for five oranges, which means i ate all my groceries. last week i was subsisting off the wedding goodies (veggies, cheese, crackers, cake). today i made my grocery list. i am going to make samosas and lentil soup for my two recipes. i have these taste of india ready-made curry dishes that i am going to eat with my samosas and basmati rice. not tired of oranges, yogurt, granola bars yet, which complement leftovers for lunch. realized i wasn’t in the salad mood as that was the only produce to go to waste these past two weeks. this week i am going to work on my evening routine. my morning one is almost cemented. and i think it is perfectly okay to sleep in once a week and skimp a bit. i feel that for the most part i am going strong on my goals. i am eating so much better since i started working full-time again. i am back on a regular feeding schedule and my body thanks me. i just need to be more vigilant on the physical activity part. i do feel really good when i am active but it has been so cold these past couple of weeks that it has been difficult for me to motivate myself. i did write letters last week and deliver them. so that’s one point for evening routine. well, here’s to an even more productive week.
weekly review January 13, 2008
so i made my two recipes. yay! and they were good too. monday night was ever so productive. and i made the butternut recipe in advance for tuesday. i brought my lunch to work each day save for friday because l-squared invited foi and moi out. we went to jason’s deli. i did bring poptarts each morning but found they left me really hungry in a couple of hours as opposed to whataburger’s egg and potato taquitos. they hold me over until lunch. i made the second recipe friday night with my friend, K. i took the mashed potatoes for lunch one day. ate all my apples. the only thing in my fridge that i was not successful at making/taking/eating was my salad. and i had even purchased alfalfa sprouts. perhaps i need a different dressing. or maybe i just wasn’t in the mood for salad. i did my morning routine monday and tuesday. but for the rest of the week i slept in graciously. i knew i would do it ahead of time, set the alarm for 6:30 and gave myself permission for it. i needed extra sleep time i think to absorb the benefits of the cleansing rite from tuesday night. things are set up. my lists are made and accessible. i think i am progressing along just fine. this week i will resume my morning routine and attempt to put some of these evening ones into place. all in all a good week.
plans for the future January 6, 2008
so my main focus for this year is to establish routine, MY routine, MY structure. i have spent enough time and enough years being haphazard. something i have learned from this past year is that while i still dislike every hour and every moment to be planned i thrive, actually THRIVE, when i have some sort of routine, such as established meal times, regular exercise, regular activities planned. the hard part is maintaining it. in the hospital it was done for me. it was really easy. but you know, i am going to be 27 this year. isn’t it high time i set out and create the life i want to live from my head into actual reality? when i have someone in my life i adapt too much to their routines sacrificing my own needs and desires. it happens every time. and really the only way i know how to counteract this is to actually ESTABLISH my own way of life rather than just dream about it. seems like i have wasted a lot of time, huh? but there always seems to be something getting in the way-school, lack of money, new boyfriend, whatever. not this year. i don’t expect to change overnight but i do need to remain vigilant. notice what works and what doesn’t. i want regular mealtimes, regularly cooked meals, regular meditation practice, regular yoga practice. regular spiritual practice. is that asking too much? so this week the plan is to start slow. i am going to attempt to make two recipes, two SIMPLE recipes. butternut squash with coconut curry and ginger cauliflower soup. i already have my morning routine in practice. i wake up and meditate for 15-20 minutes. then i do a few rounds of sun salutations. then i write my morning pages. then i get ready for work. sometimes i write my morning pages at work since i get there early. when i get home i would like to engage in yoga (i eat my snack on the commute home). then shower and be ready for the evening which should include some simple cooking, reading, writing. i am thinking of giving a theme to each day so i don’t feel like i have to fit everything into one day. like a french day, a letter writing day, a cooking day. i don’t want to cook everyday but i want to eat like i used to. i want to incorporate running into my regular physical routine when the weather turns nicer. mix it up. i really want a bike. l-squared has a bike. she said if i get a bike we can bike together. and it would be a good investment for when i move to an urban city. i want to get into a regular practice of sunday being preparation day. grocery shopping, planning the meals for the week. cooking as much as i can so i don’t have to be overwhelmed by it during the week. prepare lunches for the week. you know, cutting veggies/fruit and pre-packaging them. making little lunch rows in the refrigerator so all i have to do is grab and run in the morning. are these too big of aspirations? i don’t think so. not if i ease into it and remain gentle with myself whenever i slip up. so today i shop. the list is made. only two recipes to make. the rest of the week will be leftovers and simple salads and sandwiches. lunches will be salad, leftovers, fruit, yogurt and granola. breakfast can be poptarts. on-the-way-home snack will be apples. monday i hope to pre-cook tuesday’s meal because my friends are coming over for a special evening and it would be nice to only have to heat up that night’s dinner. yeah. so there it is. i got my first yoga journal of the year and since i have a gift subscription i will be getting it every month. and there is so much useful information within those pages. sometimes i tear them out but they end up getting lost and unused. so in a burst of inspiration i made a notebook with dividers for the anatomy pages, the basic pose pages, the master class pages, the recipes i like, and the spiritual exercises that interest me. and it’s on my counter with the cookbooks for easy reference. i already used the foldout poster of a strengthening sequence. did that this morning. much more challenging than the usual sun salutations. my friend, k, has committed to doing the cosmic cafe yoga class with me on available sundays. i am buoyed by the new year energy, uplifted by so much hope and motivation that fills my being at this moment. i can only hope that i will be vigilant in creating my life during the course of the year.
utilizing the grief plan December 20, 2007
daily action, morning pages: mon, tues, wed. so last night i got home late. took my shower and afterwards still felt compelled to do yoga. so i did. i may be in a shitty place emotionally but i am fucking taking care of myself that’s for sure. the yoga makes me feel really good. i have slacked off the past couple of months but i really need it now and am thankful that my spirit agrees and my body and mind are in harmony as well. for once i am not procrastinating or being lazy. some poses make tears leak out of my eyes but i always feel calm, focused, centered, grounded. even in my pain. and underneath all of that is an overwhelming sense of my own strength. and that is the biggest gift of all.
grief December 18, 2007
soul nourishing things i did for myself this morning: short meditation, mini-yoga session, hot tea, morning pages. i had a morning. it was lovely. i packed a lunch. i got up on time. i got up early. i got up at six. i didn’t sleep til the last minute. i packed a lot in a scant fifty minutes. i had a great day. i felt sad and low in spite of it. i came home and cried and cried and cried. earlier in the day i made a grief plan. don’t want to get sucked into nothingness this time. going to use the crisis notebook. going to use the grief plan. things i did tonight to nourish and heal myself: long hot shower, letting the tears flow, wrote a grief letter to my lover no more, drank honey vanilla chamomile tea, intense hour plus yoga session, emptying the mind, letting the poses come and resting there, crystal healing/meditation with giant rose quartz on my heart letting the energy flow into my heart and cradle my pain, flow into my body, covering me like a protective shield. and now i feel somewhat better. centered, a small measure of peace, a great sense of my own strength. i will get through this. somehow. and i will come out stronger on the other end.
small accomplishments October 13, 2007
physically: a bit tired but eyes are open
emotionally: determined
goal: meditate
affirmation: i am prosperous and vibrant, full of vitality
things i have managed to do:
get that bank account
send off appeal
clean yucky bathroom, unclog sink, do dishes, scour counters. only thing left is the floors.
wake up at 10:30am after getting home at 2:30am from work and staying awake. hopefully i will be productive today and not be too tired at work tonight.
3 to 10:30 is 7 and a half hours of sleep so why should i still feel so tired?
and tomorrow i have to work at fossil because i picked up a shift from 2 to 7.
i wonder if i will be able to get up before 8 next saturday for the walk-a-thon. . .
productive monday October 2, 2007
i made it to the bank today! this is a huge relief. i have been putting this off and putting this off and putting this off. and it was relatively painless. . .
last night i prepared my fax to send to my doctor and i prepared my letter to send to the insurance company. it’s all ready to go. now i just have to find a fax machine.
tomorrow i will be finishing up the cleaning of my flat. i did manage to make it to the grocery store last night. and i did every bit of laundry. tomorrow i am going back to the gym. i have been not sick for a full week now and the cough is almost gone so i think it is safe to venture back into the realm of activity.
i felt really good today. productive. driven. focused. and then tired on later.
october is going to bring good things. i can feel it.
some revelations September 9, 2007
sorry i have been gone for a while. computer is on the fritz. but my lovely is going to try something and hopefully it makes it all better. i have had a very enlightening weekend. i re-read smart women finish rich and worked through it and made a comprehensive financial plan. and a. . . budget. but i feel really good about it. i really don’t have that many expenses and once i am working full time again it should be fairly easy to get my head above water. and i am going to be diligent about saving. for real. i made all of these goals and wrote action plans for them. i made my values ladder. which is actually a really good exercise. the hardest question to answer though was, where do you want to be in three years? and i have been pondering that. the author is emphatic about living your life and making things happen, not letting life happen to you. the next time i see izzy i am putting this in her hands and hopefully she will gobble it up and then give it to foi. seriously, if i could, i would buy this book for all of my girlfriends. i think it is that important to read. i also finally made it past the first chapter in Creating a Life Worth Living and that was quite enlightening as well. and i finally made a schedule for myself. one i can stick to, i think. that was one of the best things about the hospital, the sense of routine. of course i really suck at it on my own. but i have scheduled in time to write and time to work out and time to do yoga and meditate and time to eat and time to run errands and other miscellaneous things and accounted for work too. something i have learned about myself in doing the daily action every day is that i am learning my rhythm. my preferred rhythm. my natural rhythm? i like to get up semi early. not before dawn but shortly after and just chill. sometimes i read for a bit. then i check my email and blogs and whatnot. then i do my yoga/meditation. and the daily action is the signal of the true start of my day. i like being able to go in at ten every morning. it allows me time to do these things in the morning. in my own way and not rush. i like to be able to stay up until midnight yet still get enough sleep. so what i have come to realize this weekend with all of this soul searching is that i believe i truly prefer, at this moment anyway, an unconventional schedule. a more flexible schedule. my inner voice is telling me-and quite loudly i might add-to stop considering the irving job. i will have to wake up really early. i won’t be able to continue with my morning routine. i will come home too tired and with not enough time to do all the things i hope to do. and really, i will be putting myself in the same position i was in at my last job. and quite frankly, i can’t ignore that voice. even if another voice ridicules me for not being in a professional job. for working what i term “college jobs.” but i am feeling loads better about all of it. thursday i applied at this martini bar that is ten minutes away and i really hope i get it. it is a really nice place. great ambience and atmosphere. for all of the goals i have set out, i think a flexible schedule will be best right now. and i have determined the minimum number of nights i would need to work and the minimum amount i would need to bring in each night, and really, it all adds up to what i have been striving for anyway. but i think it will be less stressful and more fun. something i have been struggling with lately is a growing passion for yoga therapy alongside drama therapy. i have been feeling unsure of which path to follow and in which order. amethyst gave me some good advice once. she said, to be truly successful you have to focus whole-heartedly on one thing and once you have that down, then you can move on to the next thing. you get into trouble when you try to do everything at once. and it’s true. people that are millionaires have followed that advice. that is how they became millionaires. i am not saying i necessarily am striving to be a millionaire, per se. just for success. i want to be successful. ”do what you love and the money will follow.” i read that somewhere today. so today, i researched drama therapy again and yoga therapy. the costs and time it takes. and i re-examined expressive arts therapy. and the school i love offers it. so i am feeling a new branch opening up. because i love all the different disciplines of creative therapy. and by doing this, i can do them all. and still be a licensed marriage and family counselor. so i have decided that this is the path i need to follow first. and of course continue my own personal practice of yoga, but save the therapist aspect of it for later. because once i am degreed and a practicing therapist and find my success there, then i can branch out into another branch of therapy. and who knows, maybe the opportunity will present itself along the way. all in all, it’s been a good, introspective weekend.
before i forget August 29, 2007
i wanted to note this last week but you know, i didn’t have internet access. and i think it is important to record this for posterity lest i forget. last week, on thursday or friday, i caught a glimpse of my jeans-clad self in the mirror, and i saw myself as i truly was. not through the distorted glass that i usually view myself. it felt good to have clarity for a moment. can’t say that it’s happened again though. that’s all.
many little triumphs August 22, 2007
i feel good about today. actually i feel really good about the whole week so far. i can really feel the difference since i started meditating again and it’s only been three days! i feel the way i did when i took betty buckley’s class and we had to meditate every day for homework. it is wonderful. so i quit the restaurant job. i was a complete anxiety ball yesterday and i knew when i woke up today that my soul had already decided we were quitting because i didn’t study for today’s test at all. so i called them up and spoke with the manager and let them know i was dropping out of the training week and that i would bring my shirts and apron by later. the manager was really gracious. he asked me why and tried to reassure me but ultimately respected my decision to not continue. and then he thanked me for the call and said he really appreciated it. which made me feel glad that i called because i was trying really hard to not wimp out. i can be really wimpy sometimes, especially when it comes to quitting jobs i’ve only been at for a few days. i get kind of embarrassed about leaving them. so sometimes i do the no show thing. lame, i know. but when i have been at a job for awhile i always give really good notice and everything. then i headed out and went to X store. the manager was there. when i asked if they were still hiring, she came over, started asking me questions, seemed to like me and said, i’m going to interview you right now, and i hadn’t even filled out the application! after it was over, i filled out the application. the other manager had come in and she had him interview me and then he hired me and had me fill out all the paperwork. they are having a training session early sunday morning before they open for all the newbies. yay! and the discount is 50%!!! so awesome!
i then called the two bars i am looking at applying to. they are both still hiring and both said come in tomorrow to apply. so tomorrow it is.
i did go to the grocery store and i resisted buying sugar cereal or cookies or anything sweet. now mind you, i don’t load up on that stuff but sometimes i will buy a box of sugar cereal or oreos or something to have around to satisfy my sweet tooth. but not a ton of stuff. i know better than that. but i am back in my old groove of never buying that kind of stuff because it is dangerous for me. i got some nan that i am super excited about. it looks freshly baked and authentic. it was kind of expensive too and there were only two to a package. i bought three. i have all of this indian food waiting to be cooked and now with the nan it will be complete. and i got some whole wheat nan for my hummus.
i also managed to pay my last two bills for this month.
and did i mention that i did my daily meditations today? ’cause i did. i tried to do the yoga but kitty kept attacking me and it was late in the morning and i felt that i should get a move on anyway. so i made the decision earlier that i would either do it later if izzy comes over or go to the gym. and now foi has invited izzy and me to come to her gym tonight. (izzy hurt her foot so she can’t do yoga right now). a lovely day. lovely indeed. i love my friends.
